The Creative Life

Wow! Has it been awhile, no? I’ve taken a few days off from my usual craft, writing and computer projects and just enjoyed being me instead of “that writing crafty girl with the 8 million projects and weird questions.” After having an online presence to varying degrees for years now, I was beginning to wonder what it’s like to not have to think about posts or spellcheck or photos uploading or where the hell I put that needle.

And you know what? It’s been nice. A bit luxurious, even.

As you can see at the top up there, this blog is called The Creative Life. But what is the creative life, really? First of all, living your life creatively means vastly different things depending on who you are. Secondly, it depends on the willingness to keep your eyes and ears open to the tiny details of life where you might get an idea for a story or a blog post or a new tapestry piece.

My creative life? I’m busy. I know you’re busy, in fact, busy is kind of a dumb word…we’re all busy, all the time! And I, like a lot of you, have a lot of irons in the fire (although I’m not taking blacksmithing…yet), which means that sometimes the creative life can be tough. Everything gives me an idea for something new and sometimes it’s hard to turn that switch off. But… like lightbulbs, the switch needs to go off sometimes to save energy.

I love my penchant for creativity and the way it makes me see the world, but sometimes worry about keeping up with blogs or posts or other online things gets in the way of it. I’m not someone who can write 4 posts a day and keep up with the people that post that or more each day, that’s not how my brain works. And I get sad when I think about having blogs and not fulfilling my “duty” to readers. But wait a second here… aren’t I supposed to help people embrace, work through, fall in love with their creativity? How in the hell can they do that when they’re reading blogs that are constantly being updated or inundated with pattern ideas via the web? Don’t get me wrong, I love the internet and blogs and posts. They are super helpful and awesome.

But the creative life can be hard. And murky. And deep. And fuzzy. It can also be beautiful and joyous and make you feel whole! So, I’m wondering what you, reader, (if anyone’s still reading this right now? Holla!) want to see from me. Here. Exploring this creative life. I’d like to post here and continue the dialogue with you, but also extricate myself from the unwritten contract that if I don’t post every day the world will shut down. ‘Cause it won’t. You won’t. Everything will be okay.

Do you have guilt about what you should be doing online vs what you should be doing offline? If you do, I give you permission to go out and make and do and see. And then come tell me/us all about it online with a Tweet, a comment or a blog post. Take an extra minute with your cup of coffee. Go take pictures of the leaves. Go hug your dog. Then let it sit for a bit and work its creative way through your brain and become even more beautiful. Then share. Blame me for not signing on your computer this afternoon. Go do. Go see. Go make.

Alternatively, if you think this is all poppycock, and that I should be keeping up with 4 posts a day and that I’m just lazy, feel free to tell me so. Just wanted to remind you to take a minute out of life to be creative. And not worry about if someone’s writing a tutorial write now this minute about a similar idea, thus stealing your thunder. Another great idea will come, perhaps one even better. You just may have to slow down a little bit to find it. Trust that first great idea, and your creativity, that it means that more great ideas will come. To you. Stop worrying.

What’s your creative life like? How do you sustain it?

Dear Betsy,

I’ve gone and done what I had no intention of doing: I’m nearly two weeks into a new full-time job (which I blogged about here).

It’s a major and exciting adjustment – I haven’t worked away from my home in over eight years. For now I’m focusing on getting to the office on time every day, and today I even managed to bag my lunch. Eventually, I imagine I’ll be able to figure out how to write and craft just like everyone else does when they work full-time. For now, I’m squeezing in a few minutes here and there and have developed a tremendous new respect for people who have always done it this way.

xo
Kim

PS Maybe all you full-time-working folks would drop some advice into the comments? I’m sure we all have tips to share about balancing work and life – for me, at least, the kind of balance I need to strike has just totally changed!

PPS I’ve never really moonighted. I just sort of liked the implication, even if it’s not accurate. Whatever.

From now on, our posts are in real time.

Dear Betsy,

I’m trying to stop thinking of this post as too precious. We ran out of emails a few weeks ago, precisely when each of us began to have big things going on, and then enough time passed since our last post that I got nervous about breaking the silence. Silly! And so, here I am.

Just like in June, I’m sitting in my parents’ living room; it’s rare for me to visit here twice in one summer. And like last time, I feel like this long-planned trip comes at the perfect time to disrupt the groove I was settling into back at home.

I have some biggish plans brewing for this fall but I can’t really talk about them yet, so on the one hand I’m excited because I know I’ll be doing what I set out to do this year (writing a lot about things that fascinate me, with people I admire and respect), but on the other I can’t spill the beans yet so my satisfaction must remain private for a little while longer.

I can, though, say some things. Two-thirds of the way through my year off, I found myself itching to work again. Seems I’m not very good at chilling out. Actually, that’s not right. What I don’t much enjoy doing is sitting in a vacuum trying to do lots of stuff on my own. I love dreaming up grand plans, of course. I was going to learn to quilt this year, and make a giant one. I was going to learn how to sew other stuff. I was going to embroider things for our house. I was going to write fiction and essays and all sorts of other stuff. I know myself well enough not to chastise myself for not doing those things; I’m happy to stop at the dreaming stage. It’s good enough to be reminded of how much I need collaboration. On my own I’m a dreamer. With others I’m a doer.

I suppose this post is still precious enough that I can’t quite get past writing generalities. But perhaps now we’ll forge ahead without having to worry about breaking the silence.

x
Kim

Email from 26 May

Hey there!

Can I just say that I love the fact that you “barf out” stuff! I do, too, and it just feels so damn good to get it OUT and down on paper/screen!

Glad to hear the writing switch flipped! In one of her books, Natalie Goldberg talks about “filtering” (I’ll have to find this quote now that I think about it*), how things happen and they are stored in your brain but they have to stay up there and be processed and mixed in with memories and new experiences so they can then be spit out in the written word. I like the idea of thoughts and ideas kicking around in your brain until they’re just right. That being said, I need to learn more control of my writing this year. Ever get those moments when it’s kind of like a wild horse running and bucking all over the place? My problem isn’t so much about giant leaps, it’s about keeping a train of thought and not writing about this one time when I was trying to catch a chicken and then wrapping up with my favorite type of coffee mug. I guess we should be thankful, though, that the flip switches on at all?! (Why do I suddenly feel geriatric?)

You can still write when you’re traveling! Just keep a notebook handy and write down snippets to capture later. I also like the days when I’m not writing and come up with phrases or ideas (when I wrote short stories, it used to be dialogue!) and have some time to kind of play with them a bit in my head. Traveling is so good for reframing your thoughts and references and habits, it will be great! I also like having my camera to get shots of tiny details that the trip brings.

Sorry this is all so disjointed, I’m sleepy so I’m a bit more all-over-the-place trying to make sure I don’t forget what I was going to say…which officially means I need to go get some sleep now.

More soon.

xo
betsy

*I found it. And oops! She actually calls it “composting” on page 14 in Writing Down the Bones: “Our senses by themselves are dumb. They take in experience, but they need the richness of sifting for a while through our consciousness and through our whole bodies. I call this “composting.” Our bodies are garbage heaps: we collect experience, and from the decomposition of the thrown-out eggshells, spinach leaves, coffee grinds, and old steak bones of our minds come nitrogen, heat, and very fertile soil. Out of this fertile soil bloom our poems and stories. But this does not come all at once. It takes time. Continue to turn over and over the organic details of your life until some of them fall through the garbage of discursive thoughts to the solid ground of black soil.” This to me, is the very heart of all creativity.

Email from 26 May 2009

Hi you.

Okey dokey. Sometime last week the switch flipped in my head about just wanting to write—with the added bonus of the next bit being, you know, actually writing—and for the first time in weeks I’ve been getting some things done.

Really, a part of that is that I did what I always forget to do until I’ve done some good suffering—I scaled back. Not “scaled back” as in giving up or downgrading, just as in taking properly sized steps instead of tremendous leaps. My brain works in tremendous leaps, but my mere mortal physical self can only move in steps.

I find it very ironic that I’ve finally hit a groove and we have to leave town Thursday for a massive trip back east. I’ll be away for 2.5 weeks! All I want to do is write! Sigh.

xoxo
Kim

Email from 27 April 2009

Hi there!!

For some reason (I’m blaming PMS) the whole not going to Africa thing has decided to put me in a crappy mood the past day or so. Ugh. I think the thought of finding a vehicle that would magically put me in the right place with the right people with direct in country access to organizations I’d like to work with was so freeing (for that fleeting 24 hours!) that realizing I’m back (again) trying and break into a new field in a recession with non-traditional skills has sucked the wind out of my sails. I was looking at jobs today and in tears because it all seems so impossible and ludicrous and I just wanted to hug all the women I was reading about that were making mats out of branches or cooking for their villages or whatnot. And then I was in tears because it was so stupid that I was upset when I wasn’t the one making mats or cooking for starving people and was writing on a laptop and drinking coffee in air conditioning!

Ok, that was sort of an untraditional way to start an email, but when the reporter writing a story on me for the local paper came by the other day, we started talking about people’s roles in institutions and she said that thinkers like me (and you!) were really important to the way things work and that how seeing life as this one giant path where you learn and screw up and try and fail and try and succeed and keep going is really valuable. Of course… this was awesome. And is awesome. But… it doesn’t account for all the in-between WTF times that appear along the way. I actually referred to those WTF times today as “bushwacking,” because you’re near the path but not on it. And you know you’re near so you’re annoyed and hopeful and tired and most importantly ready. Not to mention hungry to be back on track!

I think we’re both in one of those WTF times where things are going well, but not really where you wanna be, although you’re glad you’ve come farther than where you started initially?

So what to tag the posts? Hmmm… all I can think of is “the creative path” but that’s not really one word…

Okay, I need to go to bed. I really need to stop sending emails late at night, when I’m all night-owled and awake and uber-rambler.

More soon!

xo
betsy

Email from 23 April 2009

Hi you,

A wee quickie of an email; more later.

First, I’m so excited for your Africa trip*! Both, you know, for you, and also for what will come out of it! I have no idea of the magazine world beyond crafts, but what about Ms.? Or other women-centred pubs? Of course, I think this should have reach far beyond women-centric audiences. I mean, why not go big? NY Times? Good? Ooh, yeah, what about Good? They’re hands down my favourite magazine these days**, though I don’t think they do series and they rarely go very long… Hm.

Second, I’m flattered your impression of me is lumped with yours (and mine) of Diane, but I’m afraid I’m hardly organized nor remarkably productive. I have a need to barf out stuff that’s on my mind, though, which might lead you to the impression I get a lot done. Mostly I think a lot about getting things done, and about things in general. I’m actually working on allowing myself to recognize all that pondering as productive, but it’s a good week when I get actual things done on more than one project. Really, I’m also working on arranging things in my life so it’s okay for me to only pay attention to the things that are really burning my ass at any given moment. For example, this week is pretty much all copyright all the time***, and I feel good about that even though I’m neglecting other pots I have on low-heat burners. I do think Diane gets an enormous amount of work done, and I’m in awe of her for it. I don’t know if it’s realistic for me to achieve such productivity, which is something that concerns me about crafting a livelihood for myself. Ah, and we’re back to those fears. Heh.

Wow, look at me being brief!

Ok, I do need to shower and get a move on today. This copyright thing is making me happy in so many ways and I have a crapload of audio editing to do today.

I’m so excited about our project!

xoxo
Kim

* See Betsy’s note at the end of her last post.
** I still love Good, but these days I’m most excited about a mag I haven’t actually laid hands on yet; I’m awaiting my first issue of Uppercase.
*** I was working on a podcast about copyright and craft patterns. Not long after I wrote this email to Betsy my brain exploded due to the enormity of the topic. I put the podcast on the far back burner, but have not abandoned it. In fact, I’ve been chipping away at it from different angles. Eventually I might even have something to show for it.

Email from 23 April 2009

Kim,

Aw, shucks. Glad to hear I don’t sound like a raving loon or something. It’s ironic that I get worried about voicing my insecurities even when I know everyone has them and that they should be voiced!

So yes, let’s go for it! I think that the internet is one of those things where we’re all so concerned about perception and best foot forward as once it’s online it’s public domain, but I think it leaves out a lot of the human experience that way. Not in a sniveling neurotic whiny way, but dude, life is full of unknowns and adventures and new things, not just happy-clappy support kind of things…. which the internet can sometimes seem to solely be.

As a social science nerd, I’m big on seeing how people react and absorb new ideas and new projects, so starting a project without being 100% about where it goes sounds so lovely! And what can I do to help you with all of this? Can I help you with the domain cost? Maintenance? Anything? Lemme know! And crap! I need to get you some sort of bio!

Oh, and how the hell are you?! How’s life been over the past few weeks? New projects? Ideas? Wonderfulness?!

Am off to work, but a few questions I have for you:

1. How do you keep all your different projects separate and forward moving at the same time? I need to figure out a better system at keeping several balls in the air as there are so many different projects I’m working on, but sometimes it’s hard to move forward on some when I’m worried about the other ones? You (and Diane) both seem to be masterminds at this, so if you have any secrets, lemme know! :)

2. So, this whole Africa thing.* I need to figure out who to pitch the story to. I know this story is totally pitchable, and I’d like to pitch it to a mag or paper that will be able to pay enough that I won’t totally lose my shirt for the trip (although I know no one’s going to cover all of it! Ha!) Do you have any ideas of peeps or places I could contact?

More later.
xo
betsy

*There was a period of 24 hours where I was going to accompany some people to Africa for a documentary film. Those 24 hours were AWESOME. Everything was fine, then some space logistics for the van got in the way. But what’s the first thing to keep in mind about freelance? It’s often unpredictable. Am sad that I wasn’t able to go to Kenya, but who knows what could happen in the future?

Email from 15 April 2009

Kim!

So I’ve been wondering about what to call it, too! What is our main goal so to speak? Outside being writers who are crafty and neurotic about ever making enough money to not worry?! :) I think we may need to brainstorm a little about that first and then a title will emerge?

The brainstormy/highly neurotic part:

Obviously we both write, and like to write, are crafty (and have mega-respect for craft and its potential) are wondering if freelance is the way to go. If it’s worth it. Lately I’ve been thinking it’s NOT worth it at all b/c I am a CRAP scheduler and with ADD am all distracted w/o headphones. (Ooh! Look! Shiny!) I guess I’m just at this point where I’m in my 30s and it’s not cool to not have a clue anymore. I’m scared. I’m freaked out. I’m broke. I’m easily distracted. I have a problem finishing things. I’m bad at disciplining myself.

BUT… I know that I was *meant* to do more than I’m doing right now. Sitting here in this coffeeshop frustrated and annoyed b/c I have no idea how to market myself or where I’m going, but know that I need to keep on keeping on b/c there’s more work for me to do, although I have no idea what it is. Yet. I’m scared of moving forward, but scared not to move forward.

And even though I’m terrified to fail, I’m even more terrified to not evolve to my full potential. I want to put myself on a track so that in 30 years I can lecture and write about radical crafts and art and travel and help women in disadvantaged countries reach their full potential via craft. I want to use craft to its full potential and help people find themselves through it, as I know it saved my life when I found it. But it’s so open-ended and so seemingly impossible that I don’t know where to start.

PHEW.

After all of that, I’m defiantly hopeful and know it will work out, I just may need to squirm around a bit and explore before I hit it. Am tired of squirming.
And… I’m writing all of that knowing that a) I’m not the only one out there who feels this way and b) people are scared to say those sorts of feelings outloud lest it make them sound crazy. But what’s crazy is that we’re all floundering on the inside and smiling on the outside, and not doing better at connecting the two. We grew up being told we could do anything, but then when the universe didn’t open up for us (as a generation) on command, we all think we’ve failed somehow. That we should be “somewhere,” although we don’t know what that “somewhere” is. We should have the Life of Riley, but instead we’re just navigating ourselves this way and that floating and thinking we’re in charge when we’re all too unsure of everything to effectively chart our courses.

/random (and hopefully not depressing) what’s hanging out in my brain, brainstorming about how to explain about what i think we all feel.

****

Oh, and I really think if we have some sort of “About” page it needs to have a little strip of those smock photos because they are awesome. And also, I love all things ridiculous. Hate that as we get older ratio of ridiculous to non-ridiculous gets worse and worse.

I’m stoked to be able to work with you, too, as you are also awesome! Like super crazy awesome! It’s nice to be able to know people who are going through the same things and doing the same things as sometimes in “real life” the number of these people who do them is tiny! I hate not having anyone here to talk to about book ideas or contracts or whatever, but am hella glad to know peeps via online who do it, it makes everything about 8 kazillion times better.

Ugh.

xox
betsy

P.S. Maybe I’ve been reading too much of White Hot Truth? http://www.whitehottruth.com? Something about it makes me happy.

As you might have noticed, the emails Betsy and I sent each other seem to have gotten more spaced out in time. In part, this is a reflection of the fact that we’d each gotten quite busy in the early spring. It’s also because as we got to know each other better, and in fact met in person for the first time in early April, some of our emails were quite short and/or focused on quick planning or logistical details about this blog. We figure there’s no sense boring you with those, so we’re focusing on posting the meatier emails here.

Given all this, we’ll be exhausting our archives soon and will start writing fresh here on the blog. I admit I’m excited for the transition! It’ll be fun to be able to respond to things we read or encounter online and off, and to delve further into conversation with you.