Meeting the Muck.

Wow, maybe I should suscribe to the comments as well. I didn't expect a response. :)
And another homeschooling mom! Kerri, I applaud you for taking the plunge to homeschool - especially as a single mom.

Thanks so much for your kind words of encouragement, crafti and laura. I am fortunate to now have a very supportive husband who encourages my schooling and furthering myself. I really have nothing to complain about. I guess what is now lacking when I think about my "dream career" is time with my kids. I started homeschooling them earlier this year because both have learning disabilities and the schools were just not willing to accommodate. And as I have been teaching them myself these past several months I am discovering just how much the public school systems have failed them. Just last week I started them on U.S. history (as it took me many months to find a series that I liked and found unbiased) and a lot of it was new information for both my 11-year-old and my 14-year-old! Neither knew the states, capitals, or abbreviations when I tested them last week. I am thoroughly disgusted with our schools and I am afraid that when I start working that I will have to put my children back into a system that does not ensure they will be properly educated. And they end up with so much busy-work ("homework") that there is no time to reteach them or teach them new things. I have been there for my kids always and have always structured my schedule around them, not the other way around. I don't like the fact that once I start work I won't be there for them.

The jewelry thing... well, I have ADD (Inattentive Type) and OCD. I love putting the beads together and making things that feel right to me. I think I posted something about this in an Etsy forum and people probably just thought I was crazy, but I don't know how to match worth sh--bleep. I wear jeans with everything. And don't even ask me to get dressed up for dinner because it will just end in tears and crazy talk. I make my jewelry based purely on feeling. What feels right together and how it's placed. I think that's why forensics has such an appeal to me - figuring stuff out. I tend to hyperfocus on stuff that interests me. I aced all my chem and bio courses. Now I'm dragging with these last few courses because all I have left are required electives and humanity courses. Like right now, I'm supposed to be working on two papers that are due tomorrow at noon and I am only about less that a quarter done on either.

Ah well. I should start on them again and see if I can finish. Don't worry about the lengthy replies. :) I tend to get wordy sometimes too if you get me on a roll.

hmm so as a recently licensed massage therapist i find myself struggling these days with working for "the man" ie a spa vs having my own practice. i feel like working for someone else i have to cater to their clientele vs creating the practice i want. i also know i have years worth of students loans both from the university & now massage school that i have to pay off. working for someone else provides steadier income and for me right now (a homeschooling single mom) the benefit of not having to spend so much time and energy on self-promotion. After even just a few months of this though I find myself growing more & more frustrated with the situation. I feel like I'm not honoring myself and my dreams for my career by being so focused on finances. I'm teetering on the edge of just taking a step into the wide open (like on Indiana Jones Last Crusade) and hoping the walkway appears across the krevass, which would be so much easier to do w/o child to worry over. Anyway those have been my obsessive thoughts on living a creative life the past few days.

I've realized more and more that in order to live my life more in a
manner that I deem ethical and valuable and whatever is to put aside
any of my prejudices for "the man." That's not to say I'm going to
apply to Wal-Mart, as I think that a company's/org's mission is
extremely important, but that I can't let my own judgements/biases get
in the way. Without realizing it, I was pigeon-holing people, even
though I don't want to be pigeon-holed!

And I've met some awesome people I would have never have met that way.
Meeting them halfway was all it took for their hearts to shine and
show me that once again, you can never judge a book by its cover.

x

No, not bored with it because it involves taking care of so many things e.g. marketing, bookkeeping, researching materials & sourcing them, designing, making and learning new skills, doing shows, selling online, selling wholesale, and on and on. Most importantly, it allows me to follow my creative needs. I like working for myself and know now after having had many jobs, that it is where I'm most comfortable and happy. Luckily, I'm not depending on my business yet for an income and to pay for bills -- my partner does an excellent job at that. If I didn't have someone else to rely on financially, I would most probably have to rely on a job while I'd build the business.

Awesome! Thanks, Laura, for sharing more about what you're doing! It
sounds like you're getting lots of different experiences and keeping
busy, and most importantly, keeping happy.

As for not having to pay the bills, this is something I struggle with,
I find that I'm actually *less* creative when I have to use my
creativity to pay the bills because I'm so worried about doing enough
work to cover everything...even though that makes no sense.

It makes perfect sense. When you start having to worry about making enough money, you start thinking very business-like --- what sells, what should you do to sell more, how much should you price something to still make a profit at wholesale, and on and on. What I've just started looking at is out-sourcing part of my sewing (just working with a local sewer--nothing huge) so that I have time to still play around with designing and enjoy the process. And it's back to that business thinking because you need to make sure you're charging enough for that new expense. I'm seriously contemplating this because I need to have that creative freedom. (ps. off for a few days of cycling and camping).

I think one of the hardest parts of all of this is the paradigm shift
from making money on the side and being able to do what you love vs.
thinking more business-like. Sometimes when you're lucky those
converge, but not always!

Abby, I must agree with Betsy in that it doesn't have to be one way or the other. Starting and running your own business (as I am doing now because jobs became boring after 6 months) is a lot of work, 7 days a week to start for sure and no profit for at least two years. I think brainstorming and finding as many scenarios as possible, as many ways as possible to live your life can lead to some interesting options. If things don't work out, one can always change course.

How are you liking running your own business? Are you getting bored
with that, too? ;)

Figuring out job stuff is so difficult, especially when your rent and
health insurance and bills are all tied up with it. No fun.

When I found your blog I immediately subscribed as it totally grabbed at my heartstrings and made a connection.
Here's one for you: I am about to graduate (in December) with a B.S. in Applied Biological Science. It's taken me almost 10 years to get here, being a single mom most of that time. My dream job is almost attainable - working in a medical examiner's office or in the forensics lab of a police department. Since I started making jewelry late last year and started homeschooling my kids earlier this year, I have found that my dream job is now somewhat lacking. I am totally torn at this point in my life. I know to some it may be a petty situation, but it's all relative. I know I'll figure it out and make compromises as I always do. But I just wanted to say thanks for starting this blog and that there are many of us out here also not being able to sleep with worry, fear, and tears. :)

Abby- Sorry to hit you with a ginormous reply! I'm still getting used
to this responding to comments via email thing and mine turned out to
be a novella.

I am glad that there are so many people out there in a similar boat as
me, too, because it gives me hope that we can all figure it out.
Together.

Abby, thanks so much for sharing your story with me/us! First of all,
let me just say that as someone who struggled to make sure my
roommate's puppy didn't pee in the house while I was puppysitting for
the weekend, I can't imagine how much strength and courage and energy
it must take to be a single mom! And going to school to boot! Wow! So
it took 10 years...but you're almost there, no? And no, it's not petty.

What is it that is lacking about your dream job? The creative aspect?
The not getting to make as much jewelry bit? I spent the past year
taking a *long* look at myself, what I wanted, where I wanted to be if
I am lucky enough to be old and grey. And what I realized is that it's
not necessarily a job for someone else/working for yourself dichotomy
that we often seem to make it. There are striations in all the mess.

Once we start realizing that it's not an either/or situation the
sleepless nights get a bit easier because we're no longer trapping
ourselves in this DIY vs. working for the man dichotomy...bouncing
back and forth trying to figure out which choice is our "real life."
Chances are your "real life" lies in a blend of that dream job and
your jewelry, which is okay. There's a lot to be said for finding a
job you love and then pursuing your passion outside the office...which
will ultimately lead you to new adventures in both areas. We just need
to give ourselves the okay that sometimes our best and richest lives
exist somewhere in the middle instead of one concrete path.