Kim!

So I’ve been wondering about what to call it, too! What is our main goal so to speak? Outside being writers who are crafty and neurotic about ever making enough money to not worry?! :) I think we may need to brainstorm a little about that first and then a title will emerge?

The brainstormy/highly neurotic part:

Obviously we both write, and like to write, are crafty (and have mega-respect for craft and its potential) are wondering if freelance is the way to go. If it’s worth it. Lately I’ve been thinking it’s NOT worth it at all b/c I am a CRAP scheduler and with ADD am all distracted w/o headphones. (Ooh! Look! Shiny!) I guess I’m just at this point where I’m in my 30s and it’s not cool to not have a clue anymore. I’m scared. I’m freaked out. I’m broke. I’m easily distracted. I have a problem finishing things. I’m bad at disciplining myself.

BUT… I know that I was *meant* to do more than I’m doing right now. Sitting here in this coffeeshop frustrated and annoyed b/c I have no idea how to market myself or where I’m going, but know that I need to keep on keeping on b/c there’s more work for me to do, although I have no idea what it is. Yet. I’m scared of moving forward, but scared not to move forward.

And even though I’m terrified to fail, I’m even more terrified to not evolve to my full potential. I want to put myself on a track so that in 30 years I can lecture and write about radical crafts and art and travel and help women in disadvantaged countries reach their full potential via craft. I want to use craft to its full potential and help people find themselves through it, as I know it saved my life when I found it. But it’s so open-ended and so seemingly impossible that I don’t know where to start.

PHEW.

After all of that, I’m defiantly hopeful and know it will work out, I just may need to squirm around a bit and explore before I hit it. Am tired of squirming.
And… I’m writing all of that knowing that a) I’m not the only one out there who feels this way and b) people are scared to say those sorts of feelings outloud lest it make them sound crazy. But what’s crazy is that we’re all floundering on the inside and smiling on the outside, and not doing better at connecting the two. We grew up being told we could do anything, but then when the universe didn’t open up for us (as a generation) on command, we all think we’ve failed somehow. That we should be “somewhere,” although we don’t know what that “somewhere” is. We should have the Life of Riley, but instead we’re just navigating ourselves this way and that floating and thinking we’re in charge when we’re all too unsure of everything to effectively chart our courses.

/random (and hopefully not depressing) what’s hanging out in my brain, brainstorming about how to explain about what i think we all feel.

****

Oh, and I really think if we have some sort of “About” page it needs to have a little strip of those smock photos because they are awesome. And also, I love all things ridiculous. Hate that as we get older ratio of ridiculous to non-ridiculous gets worse and worse.

I’m stoked to be able to work with you, too, as you are also awesome! Like super crazy awesome! It’s nice to be able to know people who are going through the same things and doing the same things as sometimes in “real life” the number of these people who do them is tiny! I hate not having anyone here to talk to about book ideas or contracts or whatever, but am hella glad to know peeps via online who do it, it makes everything about 8 kazillion times better.

Ugh.

xox
betsy

P.S. Maybe I’ve been reading too much of White Hot Truth? http://www.whitehottruth.com? Something about it makes me happy.

Hi Betsy,

Yes, I’m very much in for writing! I was AWOL last week because my friend Emma was in town. She’s a freelance… well, she’s in the midst of filling in exactly what she does, too. But she works with open-source software. Anyway, we did a lot of talking about where we are and what we want. And it’s funny that you linked to that post, because I told Emma about a revelation I had on the bus a couple of weeks ago (I used to have revelations in the shower; now that I don’t I thankfully take shorter showers). I was sitting there mulling over the abyss of possibility, and I realized I’m not remotely afraid to fail. I am, however, painfully afraid to be awesome. I’m slowly learning I’m apparently not alone in this fear. I mean, really—to fail is to learn and then to try again. To succeed, though, where you define “success” as “fucking amazing awesome wonderfulness”, is simply terrifying. And so I totally hold myself back. I choke at the last minute, not out of fear of failing, but out of fear of blinding success.

It’s ridiculous, and I’m working on stopping that. I mean, of all the stupid reasons to hold myself back! Sigh.

Anyway, here’s what I’m thinking about writing in public; let me know what you think! I think it might work out well if we have sort of an intro blog post (a short one, that sort of sums up what we’ll be doing), and then shortly after that or even at the same time, we put up our first DMs from Twitter and the first email each of us sent. Then we wait a few days and put up the next pair of letters. In each letter or prominently in the sidebar, we ask people to join in somehow — by commenting, or by having a poll, or by asking questions; there are many things. We say off the bat that this may be a limited thing that will stop when our correspondence moves on; that it might grow and/or morph into something different or bigger or better.

What do you think? Is that clear? I never know if things come out clearly when I’m translating from an image I have in my head. :)

Cheers,
Kim

Dear readers, what do you think? Is there a way, beyond commenting, that you’d like to participate in TCL? (Thank you for your comments, by the way, and more specifically for sharing your stories with us and with each other!)

Don’t know how you’re feeling about freelancing at the moment (or if that crazy -WTF am I doing?- email I sent was incomprehensible), but I’m down for still writing about if you are! Via the world of Twitter, I’ve come across a few freelancing sites, and wanted to this post along, because it’s pretty freaking brilliant.

Yesterday I was talking to a friend of mine and we started talking about people’s missions on earth and if they always complete what they’re sent to do? Because some days it seems like that mission thing seems crap and is something Dr. Phil or someone similar made up and others it’s like, “Wait a minute! Have I got work to do!”

I still think that fear is what entraps us from finding said mission despite the irony that most of us know that we’re here a limited amount of time, shouldn’t live the life we don’t want to lead, etc. It’s easier to say “I had to pay my bills instead of find my calling!” because then you never have to fail.

Oh dear, I am rambling on again. About missions, no less! Eep!

x
betsy

YES! This is exactly it. I think fear is at the crux of the issue for everyone, even if people’s fears differ. But I think the fear of instability is common to all people who want to go independent.

I think this is why an open dialog can be so powerful. Not just because talking with people who are in the same boat can be so great, but also because, really, “independent” can mean two things: It can mean making a living for oneself on one’s own terms, but it can also mean going it alone.

It’s the alone part we can address together. Really, freelancing probably entails working with more people (and, I think, in more satisfying ways) than working a “real” job. We’re not alone.

To risk cheesiness in summing up: We all have each other.

But seriously. Businessy types call it networking; I call it collecting people. We have each other to learn from, to learn with, and to count on. It won’t pay the bills, but it can be the foundation of creating stability.

Ok, we have to do this. I don’t know why I’m caught on the idea of writing letters to each other—maybe it seems so intimate while it also tells a story.

The site could become many things; maybe the first component of it should be something like a collaborative blog. Like, “Dear Betsy, I woke up this morning with a terrible feeling of doom. I hate one of the big projects I’m working on, and am totally at a loss for what I want to do instead. I have all these ideas, but…”

If we do it, and do it honestly, I have no doubt good things will come from it, even if those good things only add up to a bunch of fun (but I think it will end up being more than fun).

What if we took the few tweets and these emails, edited them a bit, and started there?

Kim

Oh! P.S.:

I so totally hear you.

I have an internet nemesis (so I like to jokingly refer to her). Every so often she tunes into what I’m doing and rips it apart. When I announced I was leaving the magazine, she went on about how I have the luxury to not follow through on things (of course she thinks I suck and am unqualified to do those things in the first place) because I have a big mucky-muck husband to support me. Of course, my husband is in school, and has been for the last three years. I was the one doing the supporting, and when I started to be miserable at work, we sat down and figured out what I’d have to make freelancing in order for me to be able to leave my job. It turns out it wasn’t a painfully large amount of money.

But then I also ended up selling CrochetMe.com at that time, and that removed the desperation for income, for a few months at least. I certainly didn’t get rich off it, but I did buy some cushion. I wonder, though, if that cushion is a blessing and a curse. A blessing because, oh my god the luxury! But a curse because that luxury means I can do anything I want for a while. And that means I have to figure out what I want. And I want a lot of things, and I don’t know if they’re compatible. I want to write, I want to write about crafts but I also want to branch out into other topics and I haven’t figured out yet what I want those topics to be; I want to work with smart, creative people when I do whatever it is I’m going to do; I want to talk the talk of doing right by the planet, and I want the strength and conviction to walk the walk. All of that is so general! What’s my first step to be? And the tenth step? How on earth will I make a living?

Ok. Anyway.

If you want to write, don’t get a day job. Write. For you. People will listen.

Hi Kim!

Oh, your email has so many great ideas!

So here’s where I am in things workwise. Was working part-time writing a book, finished book, more random part-time work, book came out, found a few part-time jobs during holiday chaos and now holiday chaos is over am beginning to freak out. I was hoping to be working on a new book proposal, but I’m not 100% about my ideas, which is worrying me because I don’t want to wait too long to get something going. I’d like to write a book that involves travel and craft research, but am not sure how to swing that either right now.

So I guess we’re in similar places: Am I crazy for thinking [writing full-time] could work? Why shouldn’t I pack it all in and get a job that gives me stability? Stability would make me worry less about money, but I know from experience I would be miserable doing a job that I’m not interested in. I’m just full of questions and worry, but *excited* about the possibilities.

I’m up for whatever as long as it starts some sort of dialogue. Having something on the site you registered could be a really good idea if that’s what you’re leaning toward? I know that lots of people are feeling the same way about things, and know from experience as I know you do too that starting and opening a dialogue can be the best way forward, bringing new ideas and opportunities to light?

Wow, this is rambly. Can I blame the fact that I haven’t eaten yet or something?

x
betsy

Clarifying update: I wrote this email months ago. And in all this freaking out, discovered that I’d like to return to working full-time, using what I’ve learned this past year as an asset. I’ve discovered a direction I can take that will allow me to write and research and learn and work towards the greater good. All the not being able to sleep, worry, fear, and tears taught me so much about myself, my work, where I’m going, and most importantly, where I need to go personally, emotionally, professionally and creatively. Who knew that so much muck could ultimately be so liberating?

Hi Betsy,

About those tweets. I’m so tempted to say, “Let’s do this!” but then I keep reminding myself we don’t know what “this” is.

Freelancing = teh suck sometimes. Many of us are in the same boat, and have the same considerations: Do I take that job? Even though I’m not very interested in it? Even though I’m totally interested but it doesn’t pay much? Even though it might go on and on but I want to keep myself flexible enough to do other things? Even though what I really want to do is start something totally new?

Or, um: Where can I find a damn job? That I’m interested in? That’s in line with what I want to accomplish? That pays well? That will still allow me to start that totally new something I really want to do?

It’s the intersection between lofty goals and mundane daily life maintenance, and when things aren’t working out, it’s about the worst feeling ever.

I say we give it a go, talking about it in public—the good, the bad, the ugly, the beautiful. I know a ton of crafters and other creative types who are trying to make a go of their business (full-time or not) and think they might not only relate, but might like to hear more about what other people are doing. Sometimes just talking about things creates solutions (or, rather, it allows us to create our own solutions).

Hm. A couple of months ago I registered thecreativelife.net, and though I’ve toyed with doing a few different things with it I’ve sort of been letting it fester in the back of my mind until it feels right.

Or, screw that. We could do any number of things. Let’s do it how we want to do it and if we love it, then we can make it bigger. We could write blog posts to each other about what’s on our minds re: the freelance life. Or we could do a podcast. Something that’s us, in our own way, and that’s just honest and allows us to dream, and then inspires us to live those dreams.

Oh dear. I think I’ve slipped *into* a dream. Must be the source of the rambly ramblings.

What do you think? (No holds barred—tell me this idea blows and I’ll be cool. But I might need a hug.)

Cheers,
Kim